How to Plan Your Own Funeral

Is it just me, or are we being bombarded by ads about funerals and end-of-life expenses? Could it be I’ve just become more attuned to the topic? Even my daily newspaper recently included a special section, “Let’s Talk About Death,” with topics like bereavement, the afterlife and getting organized.  

Yes, it’s cringeworthy, but in my mid-70s, I felt forced to acknowledge the unspoken fact that many of us grapple with — accepting our own mortality. While it’s an easy question to avoid, I began to think that preplanning a funeral could give my family members and myself peace of mind.

For some, even when faced with diagnoses that suggest it might be time to plan, we often dwell in denial and postponement. When a friend’s husband was dealing with multiple serious illnesses, I was glad to hear they visited a local cemetery to learn about options such as burial sites above or below ground. They failed to “pull the trigger” and make any decision. So, when he subsequently experienced a medical incident and died, his wife had to frantically call funeral homes and family members, trying to come up with a place for him to be laid to rest.

It became clear to me that a time of crisis is not a good time for guesswork about availability, prices and locations. I’m sure it would have been less stressful to have had plans in place that could have been acted upon with a phone call.

Watching my friend struggle, I was inspired to think about my own decisions on funerals and burial options, and I began researching resources. I found that many funeral homes and even cemeteries include a website link to preplanning details.

A good place to start is to meet with staff at a local funeral home you may already know. In my experience, representatives are happy to answer questions without any pressure to make an immediate decision. You may also wish to consult with a religious leader for guidance about rites or traditions.

Funeral and burial costs can easily climb upward into the four- or even five-figure range. This is impacted by personal choices such as caskets, spots in a mausoleum, urns or getting to remote spots for scattering of cremated ashes. There is no additional cost for preparation of organ donation.

Cemetery costs such as plot locations, opening of grave sites and tombstones can drive numbers up, as does perpetual care of grave sites, flowers, obituaries and live-streaming services. And just a reminder: planning for funerals does not address organizing wills, trusts or estates. This should happen ASAP for every adult, especially those with children and grandchildren.

My searches for the right exit plan for me soon took me to options I had never considered. I was able to quickly pass on burial at sea, which requires specific guidelines about water depth and distance from the shore, never mind getting everyone to a boat dock. I couldn’t wrap my head around cryopreservation, in which bodies are cooled and stored, hoping for future technologies that would lead to restoration.

I also found “eco-friendly” alternatives such as “human composting,” a process that converts bodies into soil you can use. That image made me wonder about backyard burials, which are legal in some states, requiring adherence to complex regulations and ordinances.