The Real Reason I'm Never Going Gray

The other day I was waiting at a bus stop next to a woman with beautiful silver-toned hair. It was cut in a chic, chin-length bob, straight and shiny. I sighed to myself. If I could look like that, I’d grow out my roots so fast my hair would be silver before the bus showed up.

It seems like half the women I know stopped coloring their hair during the pandemic. With no access to salons or colorists, and no public outings, it was the perfect time to lie low during that awkward roots stage. I, too, decided, Why not? Let’s see how it goes and let nature take its course! I got about as far as an inch and a half of the real me and the evidence was damning. My roots were a dull salt and pepper. Hippie not hip. Drab not fab. I slapped on my N95 mask, headed to the drugstore, and stocked up on my usual Medium Ash Brown.

I’ve been trying to look chic since I first subscribed to Seventeen magazine in 1966. Oh, how I envied those models with their polished every-hair-in-place looks. Colleen Corby. Terry Reno. Stephani Cook. If they are silver-haired now; I’m sure all they need is quick comb-through every morning and off they go into their lives of effortless beauty.

Me? I require effort.

Six years after that first experiment with growing out my gray, I’m nowhere near being silver-hued. The problem’s not salt and pepper in general. Andie MacDowell looks stunning with salt and pepper hair. It’s my dull salt and pepper. I can’t even hope to be a late bloomer. At age 93, my mother still wasn’t fully gray, so my chances of ever being silver-tressed are lower than low.

Do I consider it a huge pain in the butt to chase after my gray roots every month? Absolutely with a Capital A. Do I think to myself, Enough is enough, every month? You bet. But then those little wiry strands start creeping in and I find myself cringing. So back I go to the colorist.

My friend Lorra does have long natural hair, a snowy white that looks princess-pretty with her bright eyes. No hair color. Not even any makeup. She’s a classic beauty and doesn’t need makeup. The one time I tried to follow her lead, I left my makeup in the drawer, going au natural for several days, but instead of feeling fresh-faced and free, I just felt plain; maybe because I couldn’t stop hearing my mother’s voice in my head.

One of her credos in life, one she held tight to her entire life, was: “Never go out without your face.” My mother Vivien Yellin wouldn’t go as far as the grocery store without first applying her foundation, shadow and lipstick.