The Lessons I Learned From My Late Mother

Our mothers were our first teachers. Their love for us is primal and unconditional. So losing them can feel untethering.

My mom was Filipina, “Lola” to millions of social media fans, popularized by my TikTok star son Chris Olsen. She would do anything for her grandson, even reciting rap lyrics on camera that she did not understand. They did many skits together, even in clown suits, and my mom would often jokingly ask him on camera if he was still gay. This, because her friend had a granddaughter who would make a good girlfriend.

She was a bright light — mischievous, intensely loyal, smart, savvy and resourceful. She became a Fortune 500 company executive who rode the tech wave of the 1960s to become the Assistant Director of Information Systems for Lockheed Corporation. With her formidable ascent, she encouraged me to succeed with hands-on help, such as teaching me concepts to make it through my honors college accounting class.

Raised in Vigan, Philippines, she was a coddled only child of the principal and teacher in her town’s only high school. Her mother was wary of her daughter’s fierce independence. Yet, my educator grandmother acquiesced and allowed my mom to pursue further education in America, where she obtained a master’s in finance.

In the U.S., she did encounter prejudice; my brown mother and my white father were forbidden to marry in our state, banned by the anti-miscegenation law in 1962. They had to move to another state to become a legal interracial couple.

My mom and I had a ball traveling together, though she sometimes embarrassed me with loud remarks, due to diminished hearing ability. I could never stay angry, though, because she was always smiling.

She joked that her TikTok fans missed her if too much time passed between appearances. She was thrilled that my son Chris brought her on stage at Jiffy Lube Live when he opened for pop star Meghan Trainor. On her deathbed, she said she wanted to do that again. She loved being recognized abroad by a fan who ran up and said, “Are you Lola from TikTok?” She replied, “Oh yes, I am!” and excitedly posed for photographs.

I implored her to come live with us, as she had overcome many health issues, including quadruple heart bypass surgery, and continually reminded me that life is short and should be savored. I lost her suddenly, nearly a year ago, following an accident while she was still living alone.

I long to talk to my mom. I often reach for my phone to share something with her and then remember I cannot.

Her wisdom is even more apparent to me now. I used to think that she lived in denial. I appreciate now that she let go of what she could not control. Sure, she nagged me about typical things moms tend to bug their children about, like eating well and taking care of my skin.

But she let me make my own mistakes, knowing that I would learn through them. She never commented on who I chose to date, but was fond of joking with my suitors that the Filipino mafia would get them if they mistreated me.