Family
The Clothing Women Need to Be Liberated From
Why I’m going on a first date tonight — without a bra.
Monica Garwood
I’m going on a first date tonight. He’s a smart, handsome retired accountant seven years older than I am. He has all his hair and teeth. We went to the same college. He owns a house in the neighborhood where I raised my kids.
After you turn 60, you don’t get set up on blind dates much; oldies are left to fend for ourselves. I’ve kind of forgotten how first dates go. I took a shower, put on makeup, and went to get the sundress I’d chosen. I realized I’d left all my bras at my lake cabin a few hours away.
So I’m going on a first date tonight — without a bra.
After breastfeeding three kids in my 30s and living with gravity for 61 years, I have saggy boobs. And a lot of saggy other body parts. Should I be ashamed? I think not. I’m happy about going out in public braless. You know why? Two reasons: I want to be comfortable, and I want anyone who dates me to know about my flaws from the get-go.
Do you still wear Spanx or other shapewear? Keep your hair ear length or shorter, because 50 years ago your mother told you that “older women shouldn’t have long hair”? Do you cover your upper arms? Wear turtlenecks in summer to hide your neck? Refuse to wear a traditional swimsuit?
Why?
One of the greatest gifts of aging is abandoning the desire to please other people, and rejecting societal rules about what we should and should not wear. Or do. Or say.
If for no other reason, consider your physical and mental health. Did you know that tight shapewear can worsen age-related issues like acid reflux, poor circulation, skin rashes, and digestive bloating? Do you know that body shaming ourselves is the absolute opposite of self-care? That denigration of our bodies sets a terrible example for other women of all ages?
As girls, we were pressured to cover our bodies so we didn’t “distract” boys in school or come off as the dreaded “cock tease,” showing too much of our beautiful bare skin. As teenagers, many of us suffered from yo-yo dieting, anorexia, bulimia, or binge-eating as a result of the crazy physical ideals that magazines, celebrities, television shows, and sometimes our own families and cultures, expected us to live up to. Entering male-dominated workplaces as young professional women, we wore silk ties, shoulder pads, thick hose and sensible heels to disguise our femininity. As new mothers, people scrutinized how quickly we had or had not lost the “baby weight.” When breastfeeding, we had to cover our boobs and our babes lest we offend anyone with a nutritional practice women have practiced for centuries. As the babies grew up, if we “let ourselves go,” maybe our husbands would go too.
Get the Must-Read Newsletter for Older Women
Sign up for the free, weekly newsletter with the latest stories, expert advice, community updates, and more.
Don’t you agree that it’s finally time we put ourselves and our bodily comfort first?
Our aging female bodies are not ugly. They do not need to be covered up or hidden from public view. This societal shaming of our wrinkles, crepe, and droops is simply the latest in a long tradition of policing women’s bodies according to others’ arbitrary, unforgiving rules. It’s far more important, and more empowering, to celebrate our bodies as they are.
Now before you tell me that no one wants to see older women’s parts hanging out, let me mention all the older gentlemen I see every single day at the beach, at restaurants, the gas station, and the supermarket. They all have their body parts hanging out. Beer bellies like couch pillows stretching over belts you cannot see. Man boobs. Plumbers’ butts left and right. Elongated rear ends. Or no rear end at all. Double chins. Ear hairs like airplane wings. Eyebrows that have not been combed in two decades.
If men don’t have to hide their flabby flab and their bodily flaws as they age, I’m not sure why we women do. This may be the last vestige of equality. I’m fighting for it with everything I have left.
As for my bra-free date, we had a lovely time. Easy, light conversation. Wonderful, old-fashioned manners. Lots of commonality. I definitely wanted to kiss him. He asked me out again two days later. I don’t remember what I wore to the second date, whether or not I wore a bra. I see this comfort in myself as a very good sign. We’re old enough to know that the imperfections clothing hides — or doesn’t hide — don’t really matter in the long run.
So many older women rejoice in being “invisible.” We love walking down the sidewalk without being catcalled or eyeballed. There’s a freedom in being released from traditional feminine norms. Less time and money spent on hair, makeup, nails, teeth whiteners, gym memberships, waxing, plucking, trimming ourselves into a narrow definition of acceptability. I say, if no one sees us now, let’s rock it! Being non-existent means there is nothing stopping us from being comfortable. Take off that tight pantyhose! Ugh, throw out that chafing control shapewear. Burn those bras! We don’t need them anymore!
Unless, of course, you want them. Then honey, go for it.
What do you think? Do you agree with the above? Let us know in the comments below.
More From The Ethel
More for you, from AARP
We are a community from AARP. Discover more ways AARP can help you live well, navigate life, save money — and protect older Americans on issues that matter.