I Have No Kids. Here's Why I'm a Very Cool Aunt

Even with all the complications, my nephews, niece and I have a strong bond — not the kind built on constant time spent together or gifts, but on a shared understanding of a woman who was impossible to explain to anyone who hadn’t experienced her: my mother, their grandmother. Take all the clichés you know about grandmothers, flip them, and you have an anti-grandmother, which describes my eccentric, unconventional and combative mother’s grandmothering style.

My mother was an anti-hoarder who hated stuff the way some people hate fruitcake — a comfort to some and an abomination to others. She wasn’t sentimental about her possessions, and getting rid of things helped her to release tension. Whether it was a half-eaten loaf of bread rebranded as a gift, clothing or household goods donated to thrift stores, or perfectly good items tossed in the trash, she didn’t consider that she might need it later — purging was the point.

She lived in a tiny town on the Sacramento River, and her house was empty except for the bare minimum. After decades of living there, people thought she’d been robbed or had recently moved when they came to her house.

As family members, we were required to visit and do chores, which included washing the kitchen floor without a mop. However, vacuuming up spider webs or taking down the wasp nest outside her front window was forbidden.

My niece recently told me how much better a visit to Grandma’s was when I was there. I was the one who made turkey dinner every year, taught them how to play rummy and how to shout, “I’ve got a mattress hand,” when it was time to lay their cards on the table. I’d defuse tense situations with humor and positive energy.

As the only aunt and living relative they have on their father’s side, I have a special place in their lives as the family historian. Did they know that we had relatives who performed on the international vaudeville circuit, or that their grandfather met their grandmother because he came a week early to a party?

Together we’ve created our own family stories, not just about Grandma but about the time they stayed with me and my apartment was so small that one of my nephews had to sleep under the kitchen table and was annoyed when it was breakfast time and he wanted to sleep in.

I see my nephews and niece whenever they and their families come down to L.A. or when I’m up north. My niece and her family are foodies, as I am, and we often share food adventures, recipes and places we want to go. I’m pleased to say that I’m the one who introduced my niece to the wonders of dim sum.

My niece has offered to take care of me in my old age, and I hope she never has to make good on her promise, but it’s nice to have a backup plan.

In a couple of years, my niece, her husband and kids, and Andy, my significant other, and I plan to travel to Vienna, Austria, where my father and grandparents lived until they fled to Shanghai and eventually immigrated to the United States. We want to see where they lived in Vienna, eat some of the food they enjoyed, hear great music and see what we can learn about the Schönwalds.

I appreciate the relationships I have with my niece and nephews, and I’m here if they ever need me. I’ve learned that closeness can skip a generation, and I feel blessed to be their Aunt Christine.

Are any of you a cool aunt? Let us know in the comments below.